Post-nup

Saturday 10:01 PM, NYC Apartment
9.22.2018

I’m racing the computer battery to write this draft. I sit comfy in bed. To my left, David plays League of Legends on his computer. It feels weird to be “home” again. Today was our last day of honeymoon in Vermont. Today was the second day of my period.

Our final Vermont moments included Mimes, Caroline and Oktoberfest at the Trapp Family Lodge Brewery. I drank two brews and enjoyed a happy buzz. David played designated driver, and drive he did (5+ hours). The days have begun to seem autumnal. Upon returning to the city, we unloaded the contents of the car into our large plastic bin and wheeled the contents to our apartment elevator.

The city really is a unique environment. I should have been writing about it since day 1 of calling it home.

The husbometer project continues. With the honeymoon magic in the rearview mirror, numbers creep steadily back toward average. I’ll be a bit more revealing today:

Sex (Quantity, Quality) 9/22/18 0.5 1
Communication 9/22/18 0.6 1
Chores 9/22/18 0.5 1
Fitness & Health 9/22/18 0.5 1
Cashflow 9/22/18 0.5 1
Friendship 9/22/18 0.6 1
Dealing w/ Everybody Else 9/22/18 0.5 1
Food 9/22/18 0.5 1
Little things 9/22/18 0.8 1
HUSBOMETER
Dates Average of Score
Week 1
9/16/18 0.66
9/17/18 0.64
9/18/18 0.72
9/19/18 0.61
9/20/18 0.60
9/21/18 0.57
9/22/18 0.56
Grand Total 0.62

We’ve been married exactly one week. I harbor a desire to carry on as normal in relationshipland ( – do other recently married couples experience this sentiment?). Though, David and I both acknowledge feeling more grounded when it comes to starting a family together. The wedding process does lend to a unique feeling of legitimacy.

To-do lists are also making a return to my life. I quit them promptly after the wedding, ah! – and what a vacation.

I would love to find a way to make the husbometer data more visual. A graphic. Add it to the to-do list. Alongside: finances, thank you notes, clean the bathroom, nest, gym, homework, and so on.

In the car ride from Vermont to New York City, David had me listen to the audio story Ambush at Fort Bragg. It was deeply cynical and performed by Edward Norton. It had the tone and spirit of his fight club character and the story lent unsuspecting depth to its characters. It was the kind of depth that inspires disgust and judgment in the listener. Economy of language, clear visuals, effective story movement.

I was glad when the story ended. David and I talked about our financial lives, and our plans for the marriage. David sought to nip any risk of financial ruin, and cited examples of men in his life who lost the earnings of their time and labor to alimony. I remembered the wisdom of Robert Green at my grandmother’s wake and referenced my own gathered understanding of fallen relationships. In these first hundred days, we agreed to wanting a healthy foundation in which we each might find individual financial success – and success together as a family unit. We learned that it is possible to arrange for a post-nuptial agreement to clarify and legitimize these intentions.

The nightly husbometer debrief has been largely positive. It’s fun to communicate explicitly to David about his successes for the day. Tonight, he offers me a fist*pound in response to my explanation of why he performed above-average in “communication” and “little things” categories.