Taking a break from the husbometer has had a negative effect on my eagerness to blog. Data-tracking used to be a quick entry point for reflection on the day and on my marriage. Despite viable criticisms from people whose opinions I respect, I believe I will return to it at the 2/3 mark. One hundred days is not really so many.
Maybe there are better, healthier forms of relationship assessment? Really, I just started “The First 100 Days (of Marriage)” blogging project for fun. It never felt like anything but that… until people started having opinions.
Areas of our relationship that our working well for me? All the cuddles, the future planning, the small excitements and happinesses. Having a cheerleader and a frank critic all wrapped up in one smart human. Who gives me so much love, and sprinkles in surprising historical references.
Scrolling through the rest of the questions, I feel like I have so much to be grateful for —
Madisen calls to talk about the pitfalls of keeping a husbometer. And with a quick, effectively argued blow – the husbometer becomes a private off-blog project (that will probably die a quiet death at the 100 day mark). Mad says the world doesn’t need to know all that, David doesn’t need to see that, and a positive frame of mind is the most important thing. Not the data. She talked about men that would come into the bar and talk about their unhappy wives, wives qualitatively and quantitatively unhappy with something in the marriage. No one needs to publicly wonder whether honeymoon highs are coming, rather need to remember and cherish all the little honeymoon highs throughout the day, the week, the year – and foster those into existence.
My phone call with Mad started with a request for private conversation, and that situation caused a tension that’s difficult to explain and very relevant to the events of the day.
Perhaps I’ve been lazy with my stream-of-conscious, daily-reporting tone for the blog. Perhaps I should experiment with different styles of writing.
In closing, some (non-data) highlights from the day:
Having a slow departure, big breakfast kind of morning
Watching Anne of Green Gables DVD (surprise side 2!) from the library on my laptop during the train ride
Thinking back on last night’s dinner with David and Omo
Having a really productive day at work (…using Adobe Premiere again to video edit!)
Free pumpkin pie with whipped cream! First pumpkin pie of the year
I’m still reflecting on all the family time this past weekend, and feeling generally grateful.
My thoughts have turned to the challenge of deciding on Thanksgiving plans with our family in a state of flux. There have been many changes and variables: my mom’s sickness, our marriage, David’s sisters’ potential relocation to Europe, my brother’s promotion.
Average of Score
A reminder of the categories:
Sex (Quantity, Quality)
Fitness & Health
Dealing w/ Everybody Else
The first category landed some points for quality tonight. I wonder whether and how these categories might change as we grow old.
Tonight also featured a meet-and-greet with Frances, of Tony and Frances. They are entrepreneurs and investors that focus their energy on mentoring people toward personal and financial goals. I met the couple through my childhood best friend, Olivia.
Meanwhile on our bedroom computer… Giants win 27-23 vs. San Fran!
Vineland (remaining posts on social media schedule)
Print and re-share evaluation
Prioritize completion of section 1
Earmark assessment worksheets
Project management refresher
Answer course module prompts
Skim Lynda course content
Submit job applications
Development work: Resume / CV / Portfolio
Check-in with finances
Touch base with fitness plan
Review community garden bylaws
Research my ballot before November 6th
Complete wedding thank you notes
Oh, husband. I am thinking back on last night. We were talking about plans for Thanksgiving and family. I think you were upset by the conversation. When the conversation changed, the mood remained. I heard you say something about our neighborhood using the word indigents. I perceived a negative (belittling) connotation and said so in my critical response.
2 aarchaic: DEFICIENT barchaic: totally lacking in something specified
I woke up too early, feeling troubled. I worked it out with yoga by candlelight, early breakfast, and pleasure reading Anne of Green Gables. You came looking for me around 6am. We returned to bed together, with plenty of time to spare for pre-work cuddling and canoodling.
So far it seems easy to find our way back from most emotional side trails.
Catharsis and cathartic both trace to the Greek word kathairein, meaning “to cleanse, purge.” Catharsis entered English as a medical term having to do with purging the body—and especially the bowels—of unwanted material. The adjective cathartic centered English with a meaning descriptive of such a physically cleansing purge. It didn’t take long for people to start using these words figuratively in reference to emotional release and spiritual cleansing.
After work, I go to the gym. I return home from the gym and empty the contents of the fridge into my digestive system.
When Anya arrives home, she and I have a reflective talk about identity and marginalization. The conversation begins when she compares the vibes given off by two people who spoke with her Julliard class.
I fill in the husbometer spreadsheet with today’s data and observe that the average is stable. David – fresh from the shower – takes a look at the data with me.