Related to the husbometer data project.
Potato,
I’m thinking back on our data project. I collected husbometer data for 2 months. The project actually felt like a very productive mechanism for reflection (and conversation). What do you think?
On a different note, today was fun for me. Got dressed up and had the opportunity to visit Rye.
Tired; please forgive my brevity.
Love,
S
Taking a break from the husbometer has had a negative effect on my eagerness to blog. Data-tracking used to be a quick entry point for reflection on the day and on my marriage. Despite viable criticisms from people whose opinions I respect, I believe I will return to it at the 2/3 mark. One hundred days is not really so many.
Maybe there are better, healthier forms of relationship assessment? Really, I just started “The First 100 Days (of Marriage)” blogging project for fun. It never felt like anything but that… until people started having opinions.
over-exaggerated *sigh**
Here’s a relationship assessment form that I found from a quick internet search. A sampling of the questions:
Areas of our relationship that our working well for me? All the cuddles, the future planning, the small excitements and happinesses. Having a cheerleader and a frank critic all wrapped up in one smart human. Who gives me so much love, and sprinkles in surprising historical references.
Scrolling through the rest of the questions, I feel like I have so much to be grateful for —
Madisen calls to talk about the pitfalls of keeping a husbometer. And with a quick, effectively argued blow – the husbometer becomes a private off-blog project (that will probably die a quiet death at the 100 day mark). Mad says the world doesn’t need to know all that, David doesn’t need to see that, and a positive frame of mind is the most important thing. Not the data. She talked about men that would come into the bar and talk about their unhappy wives, wives qualitatively and quantitatively unhappy with something in the marriage. No one needs to publicly wonder whether honeymoon highs are coming, rather need to remember and cherish all the little honeymoon highs throughout the day, the week, the year – and foster those into existence.
My phone call with Mad started with a request for private conversation, and that situation caused a tension that’s difficult to explain and very relevant to the events of the day.
Perhaps I’ve been lazy with my stream-of-conscious, daily-reporting tone for the blog. Perhaps I should experiment with different styles of writing.
In closing, some (non-data) highlights from the day:
Week 1
The First 100 Days
Husbometer
The Shelburne Museum
Getting to Know You
Mt. Mansfield
Jenga
Post-nup
Week 2
Fitness
Photos and Risotto
Interesting Development
Werkk
Slow Reveal: Wedding Photos, Political Truth, Work Life
Tom Time
Long Day
Week 3
The Little Red Lighthouse
Congratulations, Brother!
Unwell
Summer Squash n’ Scalloped Potato Casserole
Quick Check-in
Late
Sauce
Week 4
Family
VoteLibraries
Higher Education
Past Bedtime
Ithaca
October 12th, October 12th
Alumni Lacrosse Game
Week 5
Breakfast
I Choose You
Cancer
California
Leave No Trace
Frisbae
Jocelyn
Week 6
Return
Oww-y!
Life
Dog Food & Finances
Quick
Turn Around
S is for…
Week 7
Moods
Cathartic
Zippity Do Da
Newlydead
A Poem
Bio
Contra
Week 8
Dataaaaa & Day Recap
Assorted Updates
Election Day
Please No Photos
Scuttle
Sleep-in
L.L. Bean
An annotated version of the daily husbometer check-in:
| Category | Date | Score | Week | Notes |
| Sex (Quantity, Quality) | 11/13/18 | 0.9 | 9 | Amazing sex (~8pm) |
| Communication | 11/13/18 | 0.7 | 9 | Just felt really positive and productive today |
| Chores | 11/13/18 | 0.7 | 9 | Took out trash, washed dishes |
| Fitness & Health | 11/13/18 | 0.6 | 9 | Way less weed |
| Finances | 11/13/18 | 0.5 | 9 | Stable condition |
| Trust | 11/13/18 | 0.7 | 9 | Probably because of the amazing sex |
| Dealing w/ Everybody Else | 11/13/18 | 0.5 | 9 | Work report seemed positive; he’s coming up on 2-year anniversary and coping with position roll-back |
| Food | 11/13/18 | 0.6 | 9 | Yummy gnocchi dinner! |
| Little things | 11/13/18 | 0.7 | 9 | Offered to help me with big class project |
Today is all about getting back to work.
Cue inconvenient timing:
–headache–
I’m still reflecting on all the family time this past weekend, and feeling generally grateful.
My thoughts have turned to the challenge of deciding on Thanksgiving plans with our family in a state of flux. There have been many changes and variables: my mom’s sickness, our marriage, David’s sisters’ potential relocation to Europe, my brother’s promotion.
Husbometer update:
| Weeks | Average of Score |
| 1 | 0.62 |
| 2 | 0.57 |
| 3 | 0.54 |
| 4 | 0.55 |
| 5 | 0.55 |
| 6 | 0.56 |
| 7 | 0.57 |
| 8 | 0.54 |
| 9 | 0.55 |
| Grand Total | 0.56 |
A reminder of the categories:
| Sex (Quantity, Quality) |
| Communication |
| Chores |
| Fitness & Health |
| Finances |
| Trust |
| Dealing w/ Everybody Else |
| Food |
| Little things |
The first category landed some points for quality tonight. I wonder whether and how these categories might change as we grow old.
Tonight also featured a meet-and-greet with Frances, of Tony and Frances. They are entrepreneurs and investors that focus their energy on mentoring people toward personal and financial goals. I met the couple through my childhood best friend, Olivia.
Meanwhile on our bedroom computer… Giants win 27-23 vs. San Fran!
Plans:
Highlights from the day:
Husbometer check-in:
| Category | Date | Score | Week |
| Sex (Quantity, Quality) | 11/3/18 | 0.9 | 7 |
| Communication | 11/3/18 | 0.6 | 7 |
| Chores | 11/3/18 | 0.6 | 7 |
| Fitness & Health | 11/3/18 | 0.8 | 7 |
| Finances | 11/3/18 | 0.5 | 7 |
| Trust | 11/3/18 | 0.6 | 7 |
| Dealing w/ Everybody Else | 11/3/18 | 0.7 | 7 |
| Food | 11/3/18 | 0.8 | 7 |
| Little things | 11/3/18 | 0.7 | 7 |
Soon I’ll start blogging about NaNoWriMo too. I think one important thing in marriage is to keep doing interesting things (by and for yourself).
Tonight, David and I went to a contra dance in the west village. It was so much fun!
Afterward, we went to John’s of Bleecker Street for some renowned NYC pizza.
The contra reminded me of our wedding dances.
And WOAH!
Getting excited over here. Fresh out of online class (IST 613: Library Planning, Marketing and Assessment).
Immediate future
Tomorrow
Beyond
Oh, husband. I am thinking back on last night. We were talking about plans for Thanksgiving and family. I think you were upset by the conversation. When the conversation changed, the mood remained. I heard you say something about our neighborhood using the word indigents. I perceived a negative (belittling) connotation and said so in my critical response.
Word of the day:
1: suffering from extreme poverty : IMPOVERISHED
2 aarchaic : DEFICIENT
barchaic : totally lacking in something specified
I woke up too early, feeling troubled. I worked it out with yoga by candlelight, early breakfast, and pleasure reading Anne of Green Gables. You came looking for me around 6am. We returned to bed together, with plenty of time to spare for pre-work cuddling and canoodling.
So far it seems easy to find our way back from most emotional side trails.
Scene 1
I am at work. I am talking with Patrick and I use the word cathartic in a sentence. I like the way it comes out of my mouth, and I compliment the word. I dub it my word of the day.
Word of the day:
Catharsis and cathartic both trace to the Greek word kathairein, meaning “to cleanse, purge.” Catharsis entered English as a medical term having to do with purging the body—and especially the bowels—of unwanted material. The adjective cathartic centered English with a meaning descriptive of such a physically cleansing purge. It didn’t take long for people to start using these words figuratively in reference to emotional release and spiritual cleansing.
Scene 2
Work is progressing.
I use a quote design website to create some shareable, post-able social media content. The quote content is sourced from the recent New York Times article “12 Authors Write About the Libraries They Love“.
Scene 3
After work, I go to the gym. I return home from the gym and empty the contents of the fridge into my digestive system.
When Anya arrives home, she and I have a reflective talk about identity and marginalization. The conversation begins when she compares the vibes given off by two people who spoke with her Julliard class.
Scene 4
I fill in the husbometer spreadsheet with today’s data and observe that the average is stable. David – fresh from the shower – takes a look at the data with me.
| Week | Average of Score |
| 1 | 0.62 |
| 2 | 0.57 |
| 3 | 0.54 |
| 4 | 0.55 |
| 5 | 0.55 |
| 6 | 0.56 |
| 7 | 0.56 |
| Grand Total | 0.56 |
– END –
