Creating

Taking a break from the husbometer has had a negative effect on my eagerness to blog. Data-tracking used to be a quick entry point for reflection on the day and on my marriage. Despite viable criticisms from people whose opinions I respect, I believe I will return to it at the 2/3 mark. One hundred days is not really so many.

Maybe there are better, healthier forms of relationship assessment? Really, I just started “The First 100 Days (of Marriage)” blogging project for fun. It never felt like anything but that… until people started having opinions.

over-exaggerated *sigh**

Here’s a relationship assessment form that I found from a quick internet search. A sampling of the questions:

Areas of our relationship that our working well for me? All the cuddles, the future planning, the small excitements and happinesses. Having a cheerleader and a frank critic all wrapped up in one smart human. Who gives me so much love, and sprinkles in surprising historical references.

Scrolling through the rest of the questions,  I feel like I have so much to be grateful for —

 

 

Data Doom

Madisen calls to talk about the pitfalls of keeping a husbometer. And with a quick, effectively argued blow – the husbometer becomes a private off-blog project (that will probably die a quiet death at the 100 day mark). Mad says the world doesn’t need to know all that, David doesn’t need to see that, and a positive frame of mind is the most important thing. Not the data. She talked about men that would come into the bar and talk about their unhappy wives, wives qualitatively and quantitatively unhappy with something in the marriage. No one needs to publicly wonder whether honeymoon highs are coming, rather need to remember and cherish all the little honeymoon highs throughout the day, the week, the year – and foster those into existence.

My phone call with Mad started with a request for private conversation, and that situation caused a tension that’s difficult to explain and very relevant to the events of the day.

Perhaps I’ve been lazy with my stream-of-conscious, daily-reporting tone for the blog. Perhaps I should experiment with different styles of writing.

In closing, some (non-data) highlights from the day:

  • Having a slow departure, big breakfast kind of morning
  • Watching Anne of Green Gables DVD (surprise side 2!) from the library on my laptop during the train ride
  • Thinking back on last night’s dinner with David and Omo
  • Having a really productive day at work (…using Adobe Premiere again to video edit!)
  • Free pumpkin pie with whipped cream! First pumpkin pie of the year
  • Having a phone call with a lost friend
  • Being given a seat on the subway
  • Coming home to David
  • Peaceful yoga and shower

The First 56 Days of Marriage [Index]

Index of posts:

Week 1
The First 100 Days
Husbometer
The Shelburne Museum
Getting to Know You
Mt. Mansfield
Jenga
Post-nup

Week 2
Fitness
Photos and Risotto
Interesting Development
Werkk
Slow Reveal: Wedding Photos, Political Truth, Work Life
Tom Time
Long Day

Week 3
The Little Red Lighthouse
Congratulations, Brother!
Unwell
Summer Squash n’ Scalloped Potato Casserole
Quick Check-in
Late
Sauce

Week 4
Family
VoteLibraries
Higher Education
Past Bedtime
Ithaca
October 12th, October 12th
Alumni Lacrosse Game

Week 5
Breakfast
I Choose You
Cancer
California
Leave No Trace
Frisbae
Jocelyn

Week 6
Return
Oww-y!
Life
Dog Food & Finances
Quick
Turn Around
S is for…

Week 7
Moods
Cathartic
Zippity Do Da
Newlydead
A Poem
Bio
Contra

Week 8
Dataaaaa & Day Recap
Assorted Updates
Election Day
Please No Photos
Scuttle
Sleep-in
L.L. Bean


An annotated version of the daily husbometer check-in:

Category Date Score Week Notes
Sex (Quantity, Quality) 11/13/18 0.9 9 Amazing sex (~8pm)
Communication 11/13/18 0.7 9 Just felt really positive and productive today
Chores 11/13/18 0.7 9 Took out trash, washed dishes
Fitness & Health 11/13/18 0.6 9 Way less weed
Finances 11/13/18 0.5 9 Stable condition
Trust 11/13/18 0.7 9 Probably because of the amazing sex
Dealing w/ Everybody Else 11/13/18 0.5 9 Work report seemed positive; he’s coming up on 2-year anniversary and coping with position roll-back
Food 11/13/18 0.6 9 Yummy gnocchi dinner!
Little things 11/13/18 0.7 9 Offered to help me with big class project

 

Flux

Today is all about getting back to work.

Cue inconvenient timing:

–headache–

I’m still reflecting on all the family time this past weekend, and feeling generally grateful.

My thoughts have turned to the challenge of deciding on Thanksgiving plans with our family in a state of flux. There have been many changes and variables: my mom’s sickness, our marriage, David’s sisters’ potential relocation to Europe, my brother’s promotion.

Husbometer update:

Weeks Average of Score
1 0.62
2 0.57
3 0.54
4 0.55
5 0.55
6 0.56
7 0.57
8 0.54
9 0.55
Grand Total 0.56

A reminder of the categories:

Sex (Quantity, Quality)
Communication
Chores
Fitness & Health
Finances
Trust
Dealing w/ Everybody Else
Food
Little things

The first category landed some points for quality tonight. I wonder whether and how these categories might change as we grow old.

Tonight also featured a meet-and-greet with Frances, of Tony and Frances. They are entrepreneurs and investors that focus their energy on mentoring people toward personal and financial goals. I met the couple through my childhood best friend, Olivia.

Meanwhile on our bedroom computer… Giants win 27-23 vs. San Fran!

Dataaaaa & Day Recap

husbo-halfway

Plans:

  • Upload data file at the end of the 100 days
  • Create hyperlinked index of posts from each week

Highlights from the day:

  • Morning phone retrieval mission in the Bronx with the hubby (for Anya)
  • Relaxing late morning – early afternoon (cuddling and cold pizza from Bleecker St.)
  • Novel drafting, squats and late lunch
  • Bike ride along the Harlem River Greenway
  • Picnic, book swap and quality girl-time with Ashley
  • Night ride home
  • Exercise time with David (yoga and weights)
  • Writing sprint with Pauline and Allison

Contra

Husbometer check-in:

Category Date Score Week
Sex (Quantity, Quality) 11/3/18 0.9 7
Communication 11/3/18 0.6 7
Chores 11/3/18 0.6 7
Fitness & Health 11/3/18 0.8 7
Finances 11/3/18 0.5 7
Trust 11/3/18 0.6 7
Dealing w/ Everybody Else 11/3/18 0.7 7
Food 11/3/18 0.8 7
Little things 11/3/18 0.7 7

Soon I’ll start blogging about NaNoWriMo too. I think one important thing in marriage is to keep doing interesting things (by and for yourself).

Tonight, David and I went to a contra dance in the west village. It was so much fun!

Contra dance
I spy David!

Afterward, we went to John’s of Bleecker Street for some renowned NYC pizza.

The contra reminded me of our wedding dances.

And WOAH!

We’re halfway through the FIRST 100 DAYS OF MARRIAGE!

Zippity Do Da

Getting excited over here. Fresh out of online class (IST 613: Library Planning, Marketing and Assessment).

Text: inside the brain of a grad student...

TO-DOO da-day!

Immediate future

Tomorrow

  • Organize plan of attack for work (tomorrow and beyond)
    • Stakeholder surveys
      • Compile library campaign contacts (or use Nationbuilder database?)
    • Staff surveys
  • Use  form results to create service recommendation
  • Residual or ongoing tasks
    • Donor postcard
    • Social media upkeep
      • NYT article author quotes (multiple platforms)
      • Vineland (remaining posts on social media schedule)
  • Internship paperwork
    • Print and re-share evaluation
    • Resubmit assignment

Beyond

  • Assessment report
    • Prioritize completion of section 1
      • Earmark assessment worksheets
  • Project management refresher
    • Answer course module prompts
    • Skim Lynda course content
  • Submit job applications
    • Development work: Resume / CV / Portfolio
  • Miscellaneous
    • Check-in with finances
    • Touch base with fitness plan
    • Review community garden bylaws
    • Research my ballot before November 6th
    • Complete wedding thank you notes

Oh, husband. I am thinking back on last night. We were talking about plans for Thanksgiving and family. I think you were upset by the conversation. When the conversation changed, the mood remained. I heard you say something about our neighborhood using the word indigents. I perceived a negative (belittling) connotation and said so in my critical response.

Word of the day:

Indigent

in·di·gent
/ˈindəjənt/

Adjective

1suffering from extreme poverty IMPOVERISHED

2  aarchaic DEFICIENT
    barchaic totally lacking in something specified

I woke up too early, feeling troubled. I worked it out with yoga by candlelight, early breakfast, and pleasure reading Anne of Green Gables. You came looking for me around 6am. We returned to bed together, with plenty of time to spare for pre-work cuddling and canoodling.

So far it seems easy to find our way back from most emotional side trails.

Cathartic

Scene 1

I am at work. I am talking with Patrick and I use the word cathartic in a sentence. I like the way it comes out of my mouth, and I compliment the word. I dub it my word of the day.

Word of the day:

Cathartic

ca·thar·tic
/kəˈTHärdik/

Adjective

Catharsis and cathartic both trace to the Greek word kathairein, meaning “to cleanse, purge.” Catharsis entered English as a medical term having to do with purging the body—and especially the bowels—of unwanted material. The adjective cathartic centered English with a meaning descriptive of such a physically cleansing purge. It didn’t take long for people to start using these words figuratively in reference to emotional release and spiritual cleansing.

Scene 2

Work is progressing.

I use a quote design website to create some shareable, post-able social media content. The quote content is sourced from the recent New York Times article “12 Authors Write About the Libraries They Love“.

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Scene 3

After work, I go to the gym. I return home from the gym and empty the contents of the fridge into my digestive system.

When Anya arrives home, she and I have a reflective talk about identity and marginalization. The conversation begins when she compares the vibes given off by two people who spoke with her Julliard class.

Scene 4

I fill in the husbometer spreadsheet with today’s data and observe that the average is stable. David – fresh from the shower – takes a look at the data with me.

Week Average of Score
1 0.62
2 0.57
3 0.54
4 0.55
5 0.55
6 0.56
7 0.56
Grand Total 0.56

– END –