Taking a break from the husbometer has had a negative effect on my eagerness to blog. Data-tracking used to be a quick entry point for reflection on the day and on my marriage. Despite viable criticisms from people whose opinions I respect, I believe I will return to it at the 2/3 mark. One hundred days is not really so many.
Maybe there are better, healthier forms of relationship assessment? Really, I just started “The First 100 Days (of Marriage)” blogging project for fun. It never felt like anything but that… until people started having opinions.
Areas of our relationship that our working well for me? All the cuddles, the future planning, the small excitements and happinesses. Having a cheerleader and a frank critic all wrapped up in one smart human. Who gives me so much love, and sprinkles in surprising historical references.
Scrolling through the rest of the questions, I feel like I have so much to be grateful for —
Today featured an opportunity to see Broadway Under the Stars with Ashley and her family, who were visiting. The event featured performances from the stars of Broadway’s Beautiful, Head Over Heels, The Band Visit, Ruben and Clay Christmas Show.
Sometimes I get surprised by the realization that I’m living in New York City and this kind of talent is always in my backyard.
It was also great to see Ashley. We book-swapped again and now I’m on to reading Anne of the Island. Reading through the whole Green Gables series has been such food for my soul. While walking to Columbus Circle I saw someone who looked just like Anne, and she was wearing a Nova Scotia sweatshirt!! Coincidence?!
Picked up some after-show croissants near Lincoln Center and headed home. Going out is fun… coming home to hubby is better.
We slept in, exercised together on the John T. Brush stairway, did laundry, grocery shopped and got to hangout with David’s sisters. We played Settlers of Catan and ate…
French Onion Soup
You’ve gotta have:
(like 4 medium-large) onions
(like 32 oz or 3 and 1/2 cup) broth
(2 tbs) butter
(2 tbs) white wine or sherry
(2 tbs) oil
stale (french) bread
cheese you like
herbs (thyme, or Italian)
a nice pot
some kind of oven
Then you gotta:
Chop the onions nice and thin. Cut ’em the right way: off with the ends, right down the middle, peel the outside side, then lay halves on flat side and cut thin.
Heat the butter and olive oil on the stove.
Add the onions (with a generous dash of herbs).
Let the onions brown for 20 minutes on medium-high heat. Stir them regularly.
Turn to low heat and cover for 40 minutes. Stir occasionally.
Add the wine. Then “let it cook off”. You can turn the heat up.
Add the broth, stir and return to a boil. Stir frequently.
Turn heat to low and let simmer partially covered for 20 more minutes. You can stir it every now.
While the soup is simmering, cut the stale bread and top with cheese you like. You can toast these if you like (but the soup will melt the cheese nicely if you don’t, so no worries). These are your “croutons”.
Put the croutons in serving bowls and ladle the soup into the bowl, covering the bread and melting the cheese.
Madisen calls to talk about the pitfalls of keeping a husbometer. And with a quick, effectively argued blow – the husbometer becomes a private off-blog project (that will probably die a quiet death at the 100 day mark). Mad says the world doesn’t need to know all that, David doesn’t need to see that, and a positive frame of mind is the most important thing. Not the data. She talked about men that would come into the bar and talk about their unhappy wives, wives qualitatively and quantitatively unhappy with something in the marriage. No one needs to publicly wonder whether honeymoon highs are coming, rather need to remember and cherish all the little honeymoon highs throughout the day, the week, the year – and foster those into existence.
My phone call with Mad started with a request for private conversation, and that situation caused a tension that’s difficult to explain and very relevant to the events of the day.
Perhaps I’ve been lazy with my stream-of-conscious, daily-reporting tone for the blog. Perhaps I should experiment with different styles of writing.
In closing, some (non-data) highlights from the day:
Having a slow departure, big breakfast kind of morning
Watching Anne of Green Gables DVD (surprise side 2!) from the library on my laptop during the train ride
Thinking back on last night’s dinner with David and Omo
Having a really productive day at work (…using Adobe Premiere again to video edit!)
Free pumpkin pie with whipped cream! First pumpkin pie of the year
Sam is reasonable, fun, sexy and hard working. The first 60 of marriage have been just like these traits.
Most of our time is spent working, which is normal and good. I’m still super impressed that she’s going to school full time and working. We’ve had measured discussions where she’s been reasonable. And we’ve gone dancing – which is sexy – and we’ve also gone on vacation, which was fun.
I joke with my friends that the first two months of marriage are easy. Sam’s been great.
I’ve been on a stairs kick. I like to see how long I can last before total exhaustion, and I like to read while I step (–got that Anne of Green Gables addiction–). Then I chase it with an upper body session on the assisted pull-up / dip machine.
David and I are having a great debate about Planet Fitness, and fitness more generally. You see, the PF gym is right across the street from us. I would like David to join PF. David would not like to join because he says the chain is prejudiced. A New York Times article from 2006 summarized the issue:
Planet Fitness bills itself as “The Judgment Free Zone.” But in the weeks since Mr. Argibay was booted, a number of members have accused the gym of judging with extreme prejudice, saying the club humiliates members whose physiques are too chiseled and who take their workouts too seriously. And the incident has raised other imponderable questions.
Where do you stand on gym grunting?
Personally, I am happy to keep my grunts at a minimum for a rate of $10/month, $0.05 down, no commitment. (And a $42/annual fee, but that’s in the fine print and who reads the fine print?)
The New York City winter is beginning and that’s my best angle in the will-David-become-a-PF-member debacle.
To David’s credit, he completes a good number of apartment workouts. He keeps a black Patagonia backpack stuffed with cushions and a 45lb kettle bell. He does a variety of exercises with that (squats, presses, etc).
I tell David in a message that:
Signing you up for Planet Fitness is really about me. I am more motivated to have a kickass workout when you’re there.
And that’s true. Besides, you get over the awful purple and yellow branding after a little while. And the place makes for good people watching.
David says I don’t listen to him when we workout together. I explain that it’s because I always saw him in the friend-partner role, not the trainer role.
I’m still reflecting on all the family time this past weekend, and feeling generally grateful.
My thoughts have turned to the challenge of deciding on Thanksgiving plans with our family in a state of flux. There have been many changes and variables: my mom’s sickness, our marriage, David’s sisters’ potential relocation to Europe, my brother’s promotion.
Average of Score
A reminder of the categories:
Sex (Quantity, Quality)
Fitness & Health
Dealing w/ Everybody Else
The first category landed some points for quality tonight. I wonder whether and how these categories might change as we grow old.
Tonight also featured a meet-and-greet with Frances, of Tony and Frances. They are entrepreneurs and investors that focus their energy on mentoring people toward personal and financial goals. I met the couple through my childhood best friend, Olivia.
Meanwhile on our bedroom computer… Giants win 27-23 vs. San Fran!
Bad dreams wiped away by husband cuddles. Another day to sleep in and enjoy family time. Breakfast was leftover bagels topped with everything, and coffee. David and I watched a video about the 1950s French involvement in Vietnam.
A morning excursion to Portland City Center featured a charming bakery, a well-balanced thrift shop with a little bit of everything, and novelty shop equipped with thank you cards and cute oven mits.
After that, we said goodbye to Sophie and packed up Tom’s car. The drive is a blur of conversation, music, media consumption, naps.
Lunch was also dinner? A rest stop was involved. Think: skimpy overpriced salad, pita chips (unexpectedly covered with cinnamon sugar), guacamole extras and large fries from McDonald’s.
We dropped Caroline and Kristin at their dad’s place, and had the opportunity to visit there for a little while.
Then we returned to Chapel. I retrieved my jacket from the basement, and the boys unloaded love on Rocky (the family companion).
The rest of the night was spent driving back to the city, hunting for parking in our neighborhood, hauling things back to the apartment, chugging seltzer and settling in…
We bickered over David’s recent line of complaint: I am oppositional and he doesn’t feel his opinions are valued. He presented the complaint in the form of comparing me to one of his relatives.
Please take a moment to imagine my data project, the “Husbometer“, making squeaky, break-down noises.
What other strategic objectives do we have for our coupledom in these last of the 100 days?
My thoughts return to a post-nup, and a yearning to mitigate some relationship stressors (my gainful employment).